Look into my eyes. Not to see, but to feel.

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SOH
♠ AKA . #23 KIAN ANN
Sin created on: 190490
Status: Single
Falling doesn't mean losing,
It's the beginning of winning.

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I'll only let you down

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

i wanted to know whether you are okay,
i wanted to know everything from you.
but it just not possible for me already.

what i can do is to look at your blog, facebook just to see how have you been.
i don't dare to show any concern anymore.
it seem like my appear will only bring unhappy and harm to you.
i rather keep it all to myself.

your illness is getting worse,
stop pushing yourself too hard, play lesser outdoor games, eat medicine regularly.
and most important stop crying along at home or what.
it will worsen your condition.

i hope you will really get well soon.
i'm sorry.

10:25 AM

i found a new job. :)

next monday i'm going to plaza singapura and work under daiso.

hopefully the management there will be better. :/

next week i'm starting my mma lesson too.

most probably will not be going out for few weeks.

yesterday evening went to clarke quay with cheng.

actually we were going there for mma,

but he already late for an hour. -.-

we went there and i order a hokkien mee and eat then we return back to woodlands.

waste a lot of trip fare.

went to coffeeshop and eat supper later on,

sumin came along as she finished work.

yuhui told me she coming down for supper too as she coming back from amk with kai.

we went home after we finish our supper.

while we heading home, it's about to rain.

a strong gust came and a lot of wood stick dropped down from the tree.

and it almost hit my head. -.-

some more very cold! :s

to sumin :

and thanks for lending your umbrella to me.

i'm sorry i woke your mum up. >.<

i didn't meant it.

hope you never get scolding. :(

i don't understand you.
i really don't understand at all.

everything you typed,

it's like there is other else inside you.

all i keep on thinking is, another him.

i know it's not my business anymore.

but it just hurt so much,

really very much.

what should i really do?

you tell me, i'm lost.

9:55 AM

Sunday, July 25, 2010

i'm back to post again.
just suddenly feel like blogging.
it doesn't change anything anyway.
-
recently i always slept around 5am.
i kept dreaming this few days.
no matter what it always freak me up from sleep.
even it's a sweet dreams.
-
i feel very heartache when i saw it.
it really tearing me apart.
i really, really had enough of crying alone.
i don't know what to do.

if you could feel my feeling right now,
teach me how to stop my wound from bleeding.
i really had no idea anymore.

7:18 AM

Monday, July 19, 2010

although nobody putting the blame on me.
but i know, i let the every each of my team members down.
i didn't put in my best,
i'm sorry.
i know it's no point to saying all these.
once again,
i'd let everyone down who put their trust on me and yet i disappoint them.
you guys are the best, every each of you did great.
and i ruin it all just because i'm did not play well enough.
sorry, for putting so much hope on me.
-
i want to earn more money.
i want to go for more mma session.
it's fun and i always wanted to learn long ago.
well, at least i'm aimming for something now.
guess i will get better ba. :/
-
and, thanks for the advice.
i know it's for me.
but, i don't really like 100 plus. :(
but still i bought a few can to drink today.
it help, thanks a lot.
buy some instant noodles and bread at home in case you're hungry.
-
i guess i need to go sleep now.
tomorrow 10am need to wake up, -.-
that's all.

5:13 AM

Sunday, July 18, 2010

went to competition yesterday morning, my head is killing me. -.-
i'm shocked by the crowd when i went in, it was rather empty.
it's like more boring than i expected.
somemore one guy still even hate me for today. -.-ll

how can i bully you when i'm in unstable condition?
i can tell you that,
that was a fair and sqaure match and it's beyond believe.
-
heard that cloud represent vivo city and davin represent for orchard cine,
congrats,
i see you guy, later.
-
i don't know how to describle the feeling,
it's just make me feel so uncomfortable.
it just suck.
i wish to die.

2:55 AM

Saturday, July 17, 2010

yesterday afternoon went to ubi interview with cheng and winnie.
i really need a full time job in order to survive.
i got a lot of thing need to do before ns and almost everything need money.
hopefully they would call back by next week. :/
-
went to clarke quay afterward to mma class.
although i'm going there for class,
but my heart is not really there.
even when i'm going change and get ready for the class,
i still bring out my phone, just to see one last time.
it's still the same.

i admit that the lesson were fun and tough too.
i kinda like it, because cheng and kai were there too training together.
till we having sparring session during mid training.
i got slight concussion while sparring with a judo guy,
i didn't know i land my head so hard on the ground,
and i think of is not my injury, but you.
-
after training, i still feel very giddy, in fact headache.
i took out my phone, and i text this time.

what i got is not your care, but your scolding.
i just don't know what to say.
i feel like i'm worse, than a friend of yours.
thanks, it really hurt me. and it's more than a lot.

even now, i still feel very giddy.
but what i think is not about the injuries i had,
it's all you, whether are you okay or safe.
yet you treat me like nobody, worse than selling tissue guy.
it's hurted me, so much.
-
thanks for telling you will be there for me and promise me you won't go.
i guess i'm worse than even a thing.
yet, i still.. miss you, so much and the tears just can't stop flowing.

3:09 AM

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

you probably should hate me now.
i know i made you unhappy most of the time.
i didn't understand you.
i'm too selfish, and now i still don't want to let go.
i don't know what is right and what is wrong now.
i just don't want to regret for it.
i know i'm not fir to request or expect anything from you.
all i want to say is sorry, and sorry.
sorry.

3:37 AM

Monday, July 12, 2010

i'm tired, tired of being pushing away.
this time, i will go myself.

i don't want to being push away from you.
it really break me down.
although it doesn't make any better.
but at least it will be better for you, for us.
just like you told me before.

but, there are only one thing you're wrong.
it's never make anything better, for me.
-
please study well, i'm very sure you can do it.
i know if you really study hard like you did before you will be able to make it through,
just like you study hard and make it to current school.

recently weather turn bad again, do drink more water and not too much dars.
you don't want your fever come back again during end of year right.
don't get affected by others and spoil your mood, it only affect yourself but not others.

friends are a lot, but there are few best friends in our life only.
someone we been through hell together, sweet and bitter.
some of our friends may only be just a passerby of our life,
what we should do is keep the best part of the memories,
keeping your stress to yourself too much will break you down.

if you are sick, please go see a doctor.
if you need help you can always find your bffl, she will support you in any way.
she will always there for you, i'm pretty sure.

lastly, don't always go for diet.
it really not good for your gastric.
sometime skinny its not a god thing.
don't be afraid that no one will want you.
because there will always be one, out there.
-
guess i got to sleep,
tomorrow i'm back to taka and work.
stop here.

4:03 AM

Saturday, July 10, 2010

i been thinking of joining mma for leisure sport.
i think it's much for better than hiding inside the arcade and spam money. -.-
the good old days of mine in arcade already over,
i guess should cut down even more after competition. :/
still left one more week to competition.
hmm, let's pray and hope? :D
-
and i need to spare some time for my driving licence.
i had enough from my mum for it already. -.-
i got to work more too in order to feed myself.
perhaps i'm just so useless?
no wonder i will become liks this.
-
i want you to open up to me, like there is no one.

8:21 PM

Friday, July 9, 2010

woke up at 4.20pm thursday morning.
great,
having exactly the timing movie at cineleisure. -.-
what a bloody waste.
i'm sorry, for being so late. :(
to all.
-
it's almost 5am now and tomorrow have to wake up at 10am sharp.
anyone, able to wake me up? :(
hais, forget it. :/
-
went to find kang with cheng just now midnight.
it's like so quite a time since we went out like this.
i guess i should be more hardworking and stop slacking at arcade. >:(
so, i must start by sleeping early! -.-ll
got to go, goodnights. :O
-
i'm sorry. i'm really.. :(

5:00 AM

Thursday, July 8, 2010

just downloading finished song for the mp3.
preparing to go to sleep.
but i think i won't sleep so soon?
probably reading comics while smoking. :/

i'm like so tired,
from yesterday till now still haven't sleep yet.
i can feel the pain from my eyes already. -.-
nevermind.
-
now trying to find high paid salary to survive.
if not i'm need to beg under woodlands mrt soon. -.-ll
hais.
-
i'm not happy, i never were.

4:19 AM

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

i believe that a relationship once been hurt is just like a black ink on a white sheet.
but it doesn't matter the sheet are stained not, it's how you look at the sheet.
some would think of getting a new one instead of sheet with stain.
for me, it's not the the stain it matter,
it's the quality the sheet itself have.
-
maybe months later i will be moving to somewhere else.
my mum thinking of selling the house and rent a room.
i really got no idea of it.
maybe it's because i don't wish my family become liks this..
-
i know you got your own problem to solve, to settle.
but, do you ever think that i'm willing to solve the problem with you?
even if it just listening to you, i'm fine with it.

i know, i might say something that you don't like to hear.
you cantreat it as a suggestion, an advice to think of.
you don't have to follow what i said to you.

i know.
till now inside your heart
it's still yourself, it's still him.
i can sense that, he's the one you still love.
it's just that the love had turn to hatred.

perhaps i'm not the one you wanted to ask for.
i suck, i smoke, i'm low educated, i'm hooligans.
i'm not the perfect guy who really can rely on.
i know my own limit, what i ask for is you to be happy.

yes, i don't understand you.
but did you really let me know more about you?
when i was facing problem, you said i can just share with you.
you told me to cheer up, obviously it did not help much.
but at least i try.
i don't just reject and give it up.
i know i can't be just giving up so easily.
especially there someone supporting you, even with just a single sentence 'jiayou'.

but why?
why can't you just share with me when you are facing problem?
why do you have to hide it all to yourself?
i really want to know, your feeling inside you.
how you feel, what kind of problem you facing, everything.
i just.. want know you more.
is that too much for me to ask for.
i don't know, i just really want to be the one who untie the knot inside your heart..
maybe i'm not the one,

7:26 AM

Saturday, July 3, 2010

我, 想回到过去.

everytime i received your texts and calls,
it make me feel better, even just a little. :)
if we can only be like this,
i rather not destroy it. :)
-
argh, i'm really very tired. :/
after july competition i need to announce something for my team.
it's kinda good news, at least for me.
still got around a month to prepare.
hope there is still time. :)
shall not exposed much. :x

hopefully we can win, $1000 cash prize?
OMG,
possible? -.O
-
having medical checkup on mid of august.
yeah, i'm going to ns soon.
so stop asking me why still not yet or something like that.
it irritate me. -.-
when i'm starting to think what time i should wake up,
and i need to be almost naked with all the guy inside.
sound like gay party. :s
-
alright, shall stop here.
kinda tired too. :O
goodnight, to you. :)
-
i'm just tired, tired of when i need someone, and there is no one beside me. D:

5:43 AM

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