Look into my eyes. Not to see, but to feel.

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SOH
♠ AKA . #23 KIAN ANN
Sin created on: 190490
Status: Single
Falling doesn't mean losing,
It's the beginning of winning.

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I'll only let you down

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

feel like blogging today so,
here i am . :)

this few days i keep on seeing each of my brothers tears rolling down. :(
mostly is about their girls .
well, maybe they are more to relationship .
actually i'm very envy them .
although its normal to see couple but it's different this time .
seeing your closes one are in love make you feel lonely .
sometime i just feel that the feeling getting stronger and stronger .
no matter how i ignored it .
but i know relationship can't be rush .
i think i prefer wait. :)
just hope that it won't be years . -.-lol

time fled,
i'm already 20 this year . -.-
can't believe i'm already 20s! .__.
a few more years maybe i'm turning like an uncle?!
crap, this can't be happening . -.-!?
no matter what, i will still try to work hard to support myself .
can't be rotting and thinking about the past .
'past is for u to flip back when you old, present is for you to walk when you live, and future is for you to create when you dream.' :D

*a bit crappy* -.-ll
random post anyway .
nights . >.O

4:13 AM

Monday, April 19, 2010

happy 20th birthday to myself! :DD

just clean some of the mess at home and thinking to blog it out! (for some who want to know what happened) :)
let's start from 18th april .
morning woke up around 9am .
went san gu's house as today need to pray my ancestor .
reached there around 10 plus and we went to clementi to fetch my sis over to sin ming road .
although things passed quite a long time,
but somehow i still feel like crying when i think about my grandparents .
no matter what, dead can't be back to live.
i just really hope there's a safer and better place for them to go,
and wait for the day when i find them .
i really missed them .

rush to work after praying .
reached workplace around 2pm .
luckily kath always having off day on sun . :D
waiting for cloud as he still at woodlands, playing arcade . -.-
after he reach, work till 7 plus and slacked awhile with colleague till 9pm .
ate kfc buddy meals for today meals . (including breakfast, lunch and dinner)
went to buy pack of cigeratte and smoke before heading back woodlands .
before that, during work i overheard some conversion and cloud said something with the word 'cake'.
i was thinking they going to prank with me a cake or what so starting to be alert .
lol .

went to mrt station and meetup with enghock and peihao as they been told about the party. (which i don't even know)
elyssa too, invited by cloud i guess . :)
she gave me a present card!
although i forgot to take from her before she left but its very nice .
i thought its she DIY herself but its not i guess .
thanks so much! :)
some of my old clique zhenyuan came too, with his friend and girl .
at least they willing to join in the fun . :)

cloud told me they were waiting for me at my house downstairs and when i reach there,
not even a single person .
i keep on think that they going to play prank on me like floud or water! >.<
cloud end up tell me that they already at my house inside waiting . -.-
went up to my house and saw davin at my corridor (FHD davin) .
very surprisingly he would come as he told me he not free today .
when i reach my house outside,
they asked me to go to the lfit and wait while others can enter first .
even my parents and sis were at home!
i feel like i'm guest now . -.-lol .
cloud end up bring me in with eyes covered .
bring up cake in front of me with birthday song .
this is really the first time others celebrating birthday for me without i asking for it .
seriously i'm very touched . :)

asking me to wish before blowing off the candles.
lol, okay . :)
wishes? shhh, secret . :D
i went to kitchen and cut cake for them as they done so much effort for it .
i really feel very touched for it . :)
after some ate the cake, they asking me to change and head down for next .
it's very obvious they want to start their 'birthday's brawl' soon .
been chased a few rounds at my block area, with my cigeratte on my mouth . -.-ll
finally got caught and pin back to my block .
punishment : flour by all over body and one mouthful of flour been poured in . :S
they still use water to pour too . >.<
took some of the photo by winnie, image totally gone ! :X
after playing for so long turn by turn, some got wet and flour .

later while, police camed .
i knew it there will be neigbour will complain for noise level .
luckily the police is kind enough to close eyes not to ask much .
even the police wished me happy brthday sia! XD
after that some of them decided to leave as some lives at amk area and last train going off soon .
accompany them till woodlands mrt,
took some photo over there and they took train back home .

till now, total of 10 persons wish me happy birthday on text .
6 are from after 12am . :)
1 from yesterday, another 3 are in the party . :)
thanks peiling, kellylim, claudia, boonkit, huiying, wen, elyssa, cloud, robert & xiumin . :)

after that winnie, yuhui, kelvin and kang come my house again and slack awhile more .
watched vcd together, something about gangsterism and policemen story .
about loyalty between brotherhood, betrayal and love .
very nice show. title called 'san he hui tan an' . :)
after show, i chased both loving birds to kelvin house and i went to bathe then blogging .
thanks all who came out with this surprise for me.
it's my first ever surprise party, really . :)
photo will be post a week later after my 2 more days court .
so, wish me for lesser punishment on that . :D
that's all for today . :)
thanks to my FHD members who attend, 7mafias, HYT and winnie, yuhui, robert and elyssa . :)
goodnights .

for people who often read my blog;
some people said i turned into paikia whereby i smoke and they way i behave,
some people said i'm funny and comedy, still kind enough .

i want to know, am i really change that bad? :(

5:38 AM

Friday, April 16, 2010

money is not everything,
but everything need money . -.-

that's what i think whenever i think of the first sentense .
been trying to think about it .
somehow true but wrong . O.O?
nevermind. -.-ll
i think i changing link soon .
url too long lazy type . :D

anyway today shall be a short post .
tomorrow still gonna go work .
well, better than nothing to do . :(
i been thinking, why am i always stuck at arcade?
is because among the group i hanging with now playing arcade .
but what i'm thinking now is, if one day i don't play arcade anymore,
will we still hangout as we used to do?

this part is for my so called ex-bestie . (?)
i'm sorry if my text offended you today .
i just feel pissed when things start to quarrel .
i know, and i appreciate for last time.
but please put yourself in my shoes and think for me,
i been having a long pathway, full of obstacles, cover up full with bruises.
i wish to help you but, i myself still trapped inside the hole .
i really appreciate for what u did for me last time,
i will return u the favour once i'm stable enough .
that's all i can do right now .
thanks and sorry.

today from evening, from amk back to woodlands, till coffeeshop, i found out something .
two of my brothers are like feel very satisfied and content .
but i don't .
i'm like listening to song for most of the time on train and coffeeshop .
i feel like going home early and wish that the day pass faster .
my birthday coming but i'm not happy at all.
sometimes, i really don't know what i really want .
i'm not trying to get any attention from anyone .
i just feel sad.
i don't wanna say it out anymore .
i think i just keep it to myself, it's better for me.
alright, stop here will do . :)

i think i'm too harsh and reckless.
i shouldn't said it out.
how i wish i could tell you i'm kidding.
at least lies is better than fact.
i rather lie to myself,
at least its won't so hurtful to me.
but i will still wait.
wait for your yes.

3:39 AM

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

12th april 2010, 01.10am.

that night we went to sembawang park with kelvin, kang, robert, davin and yuhui to slack .
spend some time talking with kelvin during supper time at coffeeshop near the park .
we walked from sembawang mrt to the park there,
the journey were tiring! -.-
walked almost half an hour .
halfway saw a lot of wild dogs and police car . O.O

while we reach the park we found a place to sit down and rest .
the park there were dirty and dark, like some kinda abandon park . -.-
played poker at the park for hours, kill time .
till around 6am, we went searching for toilet and vending machine .
after that to the beach for sunrise and water fool-ing .
lol .

took some photos while playng with water . :)
shall upload next time if got chance .
they even killed the jellyfish! >.<
we stop awhile as high tide coming .
and robert asked me to company him to toilet again to wash up .

after wash up, they wanted me to hold on and cover my eyes first before getting near to the beach .
at least i can sense something on .
hah!
they wrote a big happy birthday sign for me . :)
honestly, i'm really touched . :)
not until the drop me down to the water . :(
the water is so salty okay . >.<
luckily everyone also been throw into the water . :D
LOL!

went to robert house for shower and rest for awhile .
tired and exhausting . :x
nevermind, since everyone look so enjoyed . :)
till afternoon 2pm, we return home first to changed .
when i reached my house doorstep i realised my key is not with me . -.-
went to kelvin house instead .
take a nap again at his house till evening .
when i woke up, even winnie and cloud are at kelvin house . O.o

went to amk after we left kelvin house find davin and the rest .
arcade gaming for awhile, around 11 plus went to s11 for dinner .
after that took last train back to woodlands .
kelvin and winnie leave first as she having school tomorrow .
yuhui had no more transport home so end up staying at my house with kang .
watched show for awhile and came blogging while they are asleep . :D
lol .
i think that's all .
shall stop here . :)

-8 days . :(
-will she be ....? :(

6:32 AM

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